Montpellier trip

Dad and a group of friends & wives were booked to go to the south of France some years ago and it was the day they were flying, from Birmingham. They were all meeting at the airport with dad travelling the furthest from Cardiff. They didn't have his new phone number and he had none of theirs so I was the unexpected "middle man". He was travelling by train andf half way there realised he didn't have his passport. Via me, he got word to them that he had to go back to Cardiff to collect it, naturally making everyone assume there was a good chance he'd miss the flight. There were updates gallore as trains were delayed, busses missed and general concern that he wouldn't make it on time. After a load of panic and the rest of the crowd deciding he'd missed the flight and they'd have to go without him, they went through the gate into the departure lounge where they found dad sitting reading a book.
"Where have you been? - I was getting worried", he said.

They had to drive from Montpellier to their destination in the night and had no maps. It took nearly all night and everyone was getting very frustrated, except dad, of course. To add to the frustration, he kept saying, "If it was me driving, I wouldn't have started from here".

When they arrived at their beautifull, expensive villa on the coast, they were shattered and went straight to bed. Chris took dad's shoes and put them straight in a bucket containing bleach before uttering the immortal sentence, "Jesus our kid, isn't it about time you sorted your personal hygene out?". Dad said he had had washed his feet and they weren't too bad. "What did you wash them with - they aren't smelling too clever, Ken?" asked Chris. "Toothpaste - nice and minty", replied dad.

Clive awoke early in the morning and went for a walk on the beach, making his way over to a lovely looking restaurant. He found dad, bright as a button, looking out to sea at 7am, eating a plate of oysters and half way through a bottle of red. If only he'd learned about robbing banks earlier in his life!